Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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