I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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