i permit you to call me
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
