Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
