I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
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