There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
