i think my tv is drunk
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
