Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
