9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
