It's like a parade of train wrecks.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
