Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
