Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
