Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize