I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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