i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
