He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Randomize
