We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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