All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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