i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
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