i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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