I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
They have beer where we have blood.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
