She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
