i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
