im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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