im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
