I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
