the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Someone signed my nipple.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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