I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
