hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
