WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize