Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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