You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize