I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
