the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
