"it" just moved
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
What a dumb baby whore.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
