Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
