Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Still dying that you shit outside
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Randomize
