found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Randomize
