I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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