that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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