Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
