Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
