Apparently you make a good broom.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
