you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
