glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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