so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
You smell like stripper and shame
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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