I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
