I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Randomize
