Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
