So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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