Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Randomize
