I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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