haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
You may now shotgun with the bride
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
