I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize