Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
