i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
