If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
