i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Randomize
