So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
