At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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