the condom got lost in my hair
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
two words...techno handjob
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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