yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
