Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
