Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
