my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Randomize
