My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
You pole danced in your parka.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Randomize
