If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
