ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize