I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
