His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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