your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
